Ghouls
by magik-blood
Summary: Leo and Raph try to help Mikey set up a profile for a dating site. It doesn't go as planned. Crack. One-shot. Directly inspired from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.


"Hey, Mikey! Me and Raph here had this great idea for you. How about you upload your profile to a dating site?"

Leo and Raph took a seat across from Mikey as he sat on the couch looking perplexed and slightly hurt.

"I don't see why, I got April guys."

"Yeahhh…"

"Right!"

"Sure."

Both brothers agreed to his statement through gritted teeth as Leo opened a laptop.

"Totally, but we just thought you could meet someone new," he clarified.

"Yeah, somebody you like even more than April."

"Well I don't see how that's possible…"

"It could very well be possible, Mikey," said Raph, "you just have to open yourself up to the possibility."

Mikey seemed to contemplate the notion for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah, yeah… I see what you mean. Playin' the field! I gotchya."

"Great!" proclaimed Raph.

"Awesome! Okay, so the first thing we gotta do get is a profile picture of you," said the eldest brother as Raph produced a camera.

"Ahhhh!" gasped Mikey perking up in his seat.

"Do you have the makeup?" questioned Raph looking to Leo. Mikey instantly protested.

"Aw, no makeup! Come on!"

"Well you _are_ a mutant turtle, buddy," Leo said matter of factly, "So, I think we're gonna have to-"

"I am who I am," Mikey answered with a wide-eyed shrug.

Both brothers stared to Mikey intently.

"Right, but let's do who you are minus… this," Leo suggested gesturing to his face.

"Or, we could pretend you're not who you are and just try to attract a woman," came the other turtle.

"I'll tell ya what," Mikey started, "What if I wore a checkered hat and smoked a pipe? That'd work."

Leo and Raph could only gawk to their baby brother.

Raph shook his head, "Why would you want a checkered hat and a pipe?"

"Ya know, for the Sherlock Holmes look," he answered with another clueless shrug.

"Why do you wanna look like Sherlock Holmes?!" asked Leo, "Who are you trying to attract, exactly?"

Mikey rose his shoulders stating, "Intelligent women!" as if it were completely obvious.

"Right, I'm just gonna take the photo right now and see if he likes it," said Raph raising the camera as Mikey made a pained smirk.

"Ooh, that felt good! Was it sexy?" Mikey asked confidently.

The brothers inspected the unappealing image that was cropped in tightly on his face and seemed to capture a moment halfway between a blink.

"We can just get Donnie to Photoshop it," mumbled Raph.

Leo cleared his throat, "So, I see where this is going. We just won't do that right now…"

"Wanna take another one?" Mikey questioned to quickly get shot down.

"Nah," both ninjas agreed in unison.

"We'll just find one… later - let's not worry about that now," said Raph shaking his head.

Leo opened the editing section on Mikey's soon-to-be profile.

"How about we get into some likes and dislikes? What's your favorite food? Oh – that's easy! We all know you love-"

"Milk-steak."

Leo's eyes shot to Mikey from over the laptop, "Hmmmmm?!"

"Wah?" asked Raph baffled as he cocked his head.

"Milk-steak," he repeated without batting an eye.

"I'm not putting milk-steak, I'm just gonna put pizza!"

"Just put pizza," encouraged Raph.

"Don't put pizza, put milk-steak. She'll know what it is."

"No. She won't know what it is, Mikey. Nobody knows what _that_ is," Leo had to take a breath and close his eyes for a quick moment before regaining his strength to move on. "All right, never mind. What's you favorite hobby?"

"Skateboarding," spat Raph before Mikey quickly answered simply with "Magnets."

The brothers were practically done.

"_Magnets?" _whispered Leo exasperated, "Okay, what? Like making magnets? Collecting magnets?"

"Playing with magnets?" asked Raph to just get a shake of the head from Mikey.

"Just magnets, bro."

"Skateboarding! We'll put skateboarding," said Leo already typing it in.

"I don't really skateboard anymore so…" Mikey's comment went unnoticed as Leo asked his next question.

"What are some of your likes?"

Mikey thought for a split second before making a large impish smile.

"Ghouls," he answered.

"Sonovabitch," cursed Raph as Leo stared to Mikey as if his own soul had left his body.

"What are you talking about now?"

"Ya' know, funny little green ghouls," said Mikey placing his index and thumb an inch apart and laughing at his hand as if it were a ghoul he spoke of.

Leo was lost, grasping for any amount of sanity left in his brother.

"What?! Like in movies? In cartoons? Wha-uh-what-WAT?!"

"Little green ghouls, buddy!"

"DON'T WRITE GHOULS!" cried Raph.

"I'M NOT!" retorted Leo, "I'm writing travel. Jesus Christ! What are your dislikes?"

"Human knees."

"OH COME ON, BRO! COME ON!" Leo spattered.

"You kow what, we'll just make the whole thing up!" said Raph to get an instant nod from Leo.

"We'll make it all up, all of it! Just forget about it!"

"We'll shop the picture, we'll make it all up."

The turtles continued their grumbling complaints as they got up and walked away leaving Mikey confused as to why they left.

"I'm just sayin'," he called back to them, "cover your knees up if your gonna be walkin' around everywhere!"


End file.
